WAIST DEEP IN ASH

don't you know? Its because my father neglected me right!
 My static left right brain doesn't want it needs.
it traps me into the little webs and its sticky and i get stuck. 
A N D.. 
i lie to you. i lie to you. i lie to you.
IM LYING TO YOU. 
and there was this one time when you threw a chair at me. 
it wasn't my mom or my sisters pulled hair. 
it was you wanting tomatoes so you then picked up a white chair, naturally.
and threw it at her. looked at you. 
But then people tell me the things i remember arnt real and that they never happened to me.
 but wait.
why do i smelll you still?
and i see the pit in the door where you kicked it in? 
where you didn't kick it it.
where you never were. 
all of these things are just. things.
i want to be beautiful, you all tell me i am.
i wanted this to be beautiful! 
don't you see? over compulsive.
when unwanted thoughts take over. 
 i just wanted  to not be sad anymore.
love without complications.
But love and all this is just a complication. 
I Wrapped my arms around them and pretend.
i get all possessive like a little rat fitting for food.


When your not even good.
 wait its not like that.
 I'm just mad at you.
I like the way i would wake up at 4 am and you would be talking to yourself.
there were so many pillows in your bed.  
T h a t s a y s s o m u c h. 
Ive come to the realization that i cant take care of myself. 
i have all these people do it because I'm horrified of being bored/alone/alienated
I'm your child , so YOU DEAL WITH THE MESS. 
 hey you, read this and then make some mean remark about me.
copy and paste. 
kidd bro
us subjected. rejected/ ignored
Wait i forgot that i did agree to be submerged and lumped in the fallowing:
So punx/goth/scene kids/hardXXxcore/indie glasses/shit fuck/that crusty girl/boyfriend/a "rebelling" girl/emotional/anarchist/bike riding jerks/pants/shirt/eyes/brain?/INTERNET INTERNET/blond/ red/cut cut cut/pin pin pin/ I'm in I'm/Feminist Dyke whore/girls/boys/old friends/new friends/ Orchid/pg.99/hip/maggot/words lyrics/ depression on the porches/ cut off/ bi(myself) sxxxxual/ love junkie/ hey what ya cookin? howabout COOKING SOMETHING UP FOR ME.


you know in high school, my friend sent me an email  telling me that she didn't want to be friends with me anymore.
 were friends again. I wish i saw her more. We always had fun. 
 But i don't see her that much, shes getting married. and I'm not going to be there.

I'm painting them a picture  and i hope to see them when i get back.
 I'm telling people 
"i know I'll feel better."



 you know in high school, my friend sent me an email  telling me that she didn't want to be friends with me anymore.